A Bride, a Badge and a Bang
by teacupsNmints
Summary: When Bella and Edward plan a surprise bridal shower for Vicki…they end up with a surprise of their own! Written for "P.I.C's Two's Company, Three's a Party Polyamorous Contest"


**"P.I.C's Two's Company, Three's a Party Polyamorous Contest"**

**Title: A Bride, a Badge and a Bang  
Author name & FFnet Link: teacupsNmints www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~teacupsnmints  
Rating: M**

**Pairing: Bella/Edward/Jasper  
Summary: Bella and Edward plan a surprise bridal shower for their friend Vicki…but they end up with a surprise of their own!  
Disclaimer: Everything Twi belongs to Stephenie Meyer…I just make her characters do dirty things.**

_**Bella…**_

Thank God I had Edward to ask for help. It was my job. I was her Maid of Honor. But bridal showers were just NOT my thing. I had no idea why Victoria even picked me anyway. Alice would have been a better choice, even if she and the bride didn't always see eye to eye. Alice's liberal ways and the Bride-To-Be's conservative mindset often kept the two of them in deep debate. True, Alice did have a tendency to try to take over… and Vicki could be headstrong… and a knock down drag out in the middle of the rehearsal dinner really wouldn't have been pretty. Turns out, Alice was so insulted she is threatening to not even show up at all. It's a shame really. Alice would have thrown a very appropriate, sophisticated shower.

If it were up to me, we'd be cracking open a few Corona's while sharking the pool table at Vamps, our favorite dive bar. But no, Edward insisted that would be considered a Bachelorette party and we needed to throw a tasteful bridal shower---so Victoria and James could receive gifts _to start their new and wonderful life together_.

His words, not mine.

It was strange to me how he just knew those things---and I didn't.

Edward would have been the best candidate, of course. We all sort of expected her to ask him. He'd been part of our little clique since way back in elementary school. Back then we all assumed he was just a really sensitive guy who happened to like the same stuff us girls did. But then as teens, one by one, we each tried to date him. Quickly we realized he would always be our very handsome girlfriend with a penis…helping us to pick out our prom dresses, even doing our make-up sometimes. When he started bargaining with us for the New Kids on the Block posters out of our Tiger Beat magazines in junior high, we should have known then.

I'm sure Victoria would've liked to have offered the prestigious position to Edward. I surely would have. But, I am guessing that Vicki would have preferred to see him in a traditional tux standing beside James than in what he would have certainly insisted upon wearing given the opportunity to stand on her side of the altar.

And of course, Rosalie was no help. She just wanted the entire wedding and everything it entailed to come and go as quickly as possible; still angry that Victoria beat her to the punch. Since they'd been dating since seventh grade, we'd all have guessed Rosalie and Emmett to be the first of our little bunch to get married following college. But Emmett hadn't coughed up a ring yet. It was my guess that he was still saving up for one that could meet Rosalie's criteria.

We always knew the first to tie the knot would be either Rose or Vicki---as Alice and I preferred playing with one another over any guy we'd ever encountered...not that we were opposed to men. We were both very attracted to them. Unfortunately, we often set our sights on the same man. It always seemed like a great idea at the time- usually suggested or coerced by whatever guy was involved. But when Mr. Anxious was left on a remote corner of the bed to stroke himself as the two of us were lost in our own lust-filled moment that lasted damn near the entire night, he rarely called back.

And Edward---well, we've all known what he is for a while now, but unfortunately we don't think he does. And if he does, he'd never once let on to any of his closest friends. And regardless of what my brain tells me about him, my heart would still like to think otherwise. No other man had ever been capable of taking my breath away just by entering a room like my gay friend could. Go figure.

I watched Edward carrying the pink tablecloths into the Women's Club Social Hall, where Rose's mother was a member and got us the hall for free. One hand on his hip, the other holding the cloths up high, the pink offsetting his wild bronze locks; Edward barked orders and everyone jumped. He was definitely in his element.

"Rose, stop pouting like a little bitch and spread these table cloths out, but not the bride's table…that's the big rectangular one up front. I have white Battenberg for that." Rosalie huffed, took the tablecloths from Edward and did as he told her.

"Bella, honey" his green eyes sparkled at me, as usual. If it had been anyone else, I'd have thought he was coming on to me each time his eyes met mine. "Would you please switch out every light bulb with these?" He handed me a box full of pink bulbs.

Afraid the hall was beginning to look like something out of a Pepto-Bismol commercial, I had to speak up. "Umm, Edward, are you sure you want the room to be completely pink?" He turned around, both hands on his hips, looking down at me. I watched as one eyebrow elevated ever so slightly. I knew that look, and it scared me a little.

I laughed nervously. "I mean, if you're concerned with the outlook regarding the impending nuptials, you could always just pass out rose colored glasses at the door."

"Oh, Bella." He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed ever so slightly sending a shiver straight down to my nether regions. Then the corners of his mouth curled up into a cocky little smile. "Thank God you have me." He turned toward the kitchen, speaking to me over his shoulder as he hurried away. "The bulbs will only soften the light in the room, silly goose. They won't actually glow pink. We can't have a bride who looks like she's a hundred years old surrounded by a bridal party of old crones now can we? How would that photograph? We're not 17 anymore, you know."

When Edward finally finished putting the final touches on the room, it looked like something out of Martha Stewart magazine; complete with chair covers, tulle swags, potted trees with twinkling lights and beautifully arranged floral centerpieces. And, he was right. The lighting was soft and perfectly muted. The entire room was absolutely flawless, thanks to Edward. Victoria was going to be SO surprised.

Just as we had packed up all the leftover supplies, ready to carry them to my truck, Alice walked in.

"Wow. You guys really did a nice job. It actually looks very tasteful." She winked at Edward. "I assume Bella let you take over?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, smiling.

So, what time should I be here?" She asked.

"You're coming?" I blurted.

Edward interrupted as he wrapped his arms around Alice's shoulders. "Of course she's coming. That's what girlfriends do! The party will start promptly at 4, Sweetie."

Alice smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. I can't wait to see Vicki's face when my gift arrives."

Edward was intrigued. "Oooooh, does that mean you ordered something to be delivered?"

"I sure did." She replied.

"Hmmm, would it happen to be something floral or fruity?" Edward asked, his eyes dancing.

Alice's eyes danced right back at him as she teased "Wouldn't you like to know."

Edward took Alice's bait, as he always did, asking question after question regarding her gift.

I escaped their typical game of cat and mouse by grabbing as many boxes as I could handle and carrying them to my truck.

Once Edward and I had everything cleaned up, we headed back to my place

where we took turns showering. Once we were dressed and ready to go, we grabbed our gifts and got into his Volvo. He insisted his car would make a much more elegant entrance than my truck would. _Whatever._

On the way to the Women's Club, my mind wandered back to Alice's visit. "So what do you think Alice got Victoria and James?" I asked.

"She was very tight lipped, but I definitely think it's a fruit basket based on the limited hints she'd given."

"Is a fruit basket a typical shower gift?" It seemed strange to me, but both Edward and Alice knew way more about those things than I did.

"Well, it's typical 'Alice'. With Victoria's family coming to stay with her before the wedding, it is a very thoughtful gesture. And Alice can be very considerate."

"I guess. My first thought when she had said her gift would arrive…was that she'd hired a stripper."

Edward's mouth flew open and his hands waved wildly into the air before nervously raking through his hair. "Victoria would be mortified! Oh Bella, honey, don't even tease me. Now that would be terrible!"

"Uh huh. And, _that _would be the Alice I know."

Once most of the guests had tapered in and the gift table was piled high, Alice snuck in the back door. I watched as she walked a slow lap around the room, looking around thoroughly, not stopping to chat with anyone. Then, she headed straight for Victoria. She whispered something in her ear and Vicki laughed, causing her to hug her old friend.

Whew! Alice hadn't seemed quite right when she'd stopped by earlier and I'd really gotten a bad feeling. I knew very well how Alice could hold a grudge and exactly how she might retaliate when her feelings got hurt. But watching her embrace our friend, I knew she'd gotten over the hurt and had moved on.

The afternoon couldn't have been more perfect. Alice and Victoria were speaking again. Rosalie had smiled at least twice. Edward was walking around with that sexy crooked half smile of his; the one he wears when he's pleased with himself. And I'd gotten almost completely through my responsibility to Victoria without a hitch.

As the bride to be was opening her gifts, Rosalie wrote down everything she said and Alice assembled her bow bouquet. It was then that I noticed something very scary at the back of the room.

_**Jasper…**_

I sat in my police cruiser parked outside Newton's Sporting Goods. I was absolutely drained…mentally and physically. _How many domestic disputes can one small town have in an afternoon?_ Damn. Every yahoo in a 50 mile radius must've been drinking today. And, of course, every one of them owned a gun and every one of them happened to be in my zone. 

_She slapped him for looking at another woman's ass, so he hit her back. A pissing match turned into a shoving match over who actually caught the biggest fish last summer. And one neighbor stole the other neighbor's cow. How the hell do you steal a cow from your next door neighbor and expect to get away with it?_ _It's not like you can hide a fucking cow…especially one with a brown spot on the side of its head in the exact shape of Elvis' profile. _

I was beginning to feel more like a referee than a cop. Still fairly new to the department I always got the shit zones. I reminded myself to just be grateful that I had a job and to thank God the nearby Indian reservation had its own force---because there was some crazy shit that went down out there.

Checking my watch I noticed that my shift would be ending in 15 minutes.

Relieved to be at the end of the day from Hell, I turned my cruiser around and headed in the direction of home. I'd drive really slowly; time it so I pull in my drive-way just as I go off duty. I could almost feel the comfort of my favorite chair… hear the pop of the cap on the Corona just waiting for me in my fridge. _Ahh, the joys of being a bachelor._ And living alone, there'd be no one to judge me for indulging in a little sin of the skin. Porn. I'd been on the damn waiting list at Blockbuster for "Gilligan's Bi-land" for almost a month. I'd finally gotten the call last night and picked it up before work this morning.

"Suspicious Activity at 1434 Lutz Dr. Who is responding?"

Sonofabitch!

I was only minutes away from the location. Reluctantly I picked up my radio.

"Officer Whitlock Responding."

I slammed my hand down on the dash. "Fuck!"

Most often this sort of call quickly turned out to be nothing, but I had a bad feeling I wasn't getting home anytime soon.

I pulled up to the address to discover it was the Women's Club building. Normally I'd assume it'd be a piece of cake…a couple of old ladies who forgot their keys. But not this day. There was no telling what could be in store for me today.

_**Bella…**_

I felt all the color drain from my face as my heart tried to beat its way right out of my chest. Dressed in a blue law enforcement uniform complete with a gun belt and badge, was what could only be… Alice's gift. And holy mother of a fucker, the guy was HOT! Alice must have paid top dollar for him. His blonde wavy hair peeked out from beneath his officer's hat and, though his expression was serious, I couldn't miss his deep dimples. Tall and slender, his muscular build was evident even from beneath his uniform. Edward got to him first and, by the time I approached, he was already walking "the officer" into the kitchen and away from the festivities.

The stranger looked at us with the most beautiful green eyes. "My name is Officer Whitlock. Jasper Whitlock. I was sent over to check out suspicious activity."

Edward's eyes traveled the full length of "Officer Whitlock" as he smiled and said "Of course you were." I felt a pang of jealousy…although I knew better.

The "officer" continued. "It seems there are no papers on record that this building is on lease for today…."

Edward placed his hand on the man's shoulder, his long slender fingers spread wide. "Is that right?" He said.

"…which would mean whoever the responsible party is would be in violation of a trespassing ordinance."

Edward looked at me and smirked, dragging a chair over just behind "Officer Friendly". I followed his lead. We needed to keep this guy busy, so he couldn't ruin Victoria's day.

"So, officer…" I began as I walked him right into the chair Edward was holding. I continued toward the "officer" who was now seated. I grabbed the back of the chair from each side of his shoulders, pulling myself up. I placed my feet on the outside edges of the seat; allowing myself to straddle the handsome man in uniform without actually touching him. "Does that mean someone here might need to get …" I unsnapped the compartment on his belt that held his cuffs and leaned forward to be sure he felt my breath on his neck.

"…cuffed?"

I watched as he could not fight the smile that spread from dimple to dimple and he let out a low growl that came from somewhere deep inside him. He shifted awkwardly in the chair, forcing the very large bulge in his pants to drag across my inner thigh.

I looked up at Edward to let him know what was happening. He was still holding onto the back of the chair and, if I hadn't known better, I'd have sworn he was looking right down my shirt.

His beautiful eyes smoldered, and it was bittersweet to finally witness Edward Cullen's lust-filled gaze; even though I was certain it was provoked by the bulge currently between my legs and not by any part of my anatomy.

However my mind had other ideas and I imagined what it might be like wedged nude between the two gorgeous creatures before me.

_**Jasper…**_

I wasn't exactly sure what was going on. They were not intimidated by my uniform at all. I didn't get the vibe of criminal element from them, though my perception could have been skewed a bit by the beauty on my lap and her fucking drop-dead friend. And, if I hadn't known better, I'd have sworn they were trying to seduce me…right there at the Women's Club with a bridal shower in the next room. I knew I should get up out of that chair. I should have insisted on seeing the rental agreement. I should've been anywhere but in that room. But I couldn't move. I couldn't leave. All I wanted was to let my guard down…to break the rules. I wanted to play their game. I wanted…them…both of them. So I stayed. And, for once in my life, I let my impulses guide me.

_**Bella…**_

Reality returned as a tender touch ran the full length of my sides---thumbs caressing my breasts as they slid down just before hooking beneath my blouse and pulling it up over my head. I sighed as Jasper Whitlock's lips nuzzled and nipped at my neck, but my eyes remained on Edward.

I cleared my throat to gain his attention; my insides turning to Jell-o when his lust filled eyes met mine. I was instantly filled with butterflies, regardless of the fact that I knew his desire was for someone else. I forced a reluctant smile, before asking in a breathy whisper "Officer, sir. Wouldn't it be fun if my friend here joined in?" I lowered my body, feeling his response.

"Mmmm hmmmm."

My eyes followed Edward as he moved out from behind the chair. His expression was blank, but his breath was heavy. He moved behind me slowly and I could no longer see what he was doing, which was probably for the best. I clenched my hands into fists and squeezed my eyes closed as I braced myself for what I would inevitably be witnessing.

My entire body tingled as Edward's hair tickled my back. I felt him lower to his knees behind me and I couldn't help but imagine what I would have liked him to be doing back there. But I knew his position would most likely involve his arms draped around me… only to reach the sexy stripper's cock.

His hand brushed my hip and my breath caught. His chest warm against my back, I held my breath altogether to try and conceal my secret desire. I flinched as a second pair of lips began kissing and nuzzling the other side of my neck. _Oh my God_!

My body trembled and my knees weakened, but the rest of me just froze. I was so afraid that it all might fade away if I made even the slightest movement.

His words in my ear paralyzed me. "I've waited for this for so long."

Instinctively, I curled into Edward's touch. I could feel the tremor as he grumbled low in his throat. Bringing my eyes to his, I saw an Edward very foreign to me….wild and savage; out of control. I had never wanted something…someone… so badly.

My confusion escalated as Edward's fingers tangled in the stripper's blonde waves, but his lips leaned in to mine, exploring my mouth completely. Jasper and I moaned in unison, and I felt the slight rumble of Edward's laughter.

I pulled back long enough to stare at him with total bewilderment. The corner of his reddened lips curled up into a crooked smile, making me feel even more naughty and needful.

I pressed my mouth to his with force, my tongue dancing with his. His hands slipped down to the hem of my denim mini and they rested there for a moment filling me with impatient desire. He nudged my skirt toward my hips, before slowly running his fingers up my inner thighs until they met at my very eager center.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't hold a rational thought.

My breath caught and my entire body quaked as he dragged two fingers over my very damp panties, pressing between my folds. He raised his eyebrows, smirking. "It's good to see I'm not the only one is excited about this." he whispered, his words ticking my neck. I could hear him unzip our uniformed friend's fly, and I watched as he began stroking him with skilled hands; slowly gliding up the shaft, sliding his thumb up and over the tip before stroking down again and again. Rhythmic, almost melodic. Jasper's head full of blonde waves fell back in ecstasy. I had never known Edward to be at all seductive, sensual. But his obvious prowess intrigued me and I awaited those fucking perfect fingers of his in hopeful anticipation. I let out a nervous breath as I heard Edward tear open what I could only assume was a condom package. I watched as his arms wrapped around me to gracefully slide it down the hard-on he'd inspired. My breath caught as he moved his hands to my hips and positioned me atop the largely endowed Whitlock.

Edward's breath in my ear made the small hairs on my neck prickle. "This okay, love?"

All I could expel was "Mmm."

His warmth firmly against my back, his talented fingers found my most erotic spot. He gently rubbed circles around the sensitive nub as he guided me with his body to ride the man in the chair. We moved together, the three of us, slowly at first. As our bodies melded together, our pace quickened. Edward kissing my neck…the stranger's tongue and teeth teasing my nipples as they spilled out the top of my black lace demi bra. Edward's hard chest against my back…a glorious cock deep inside me, it was the stuff my naughtiest dreams were made of.

"I always wondered how you'd look all full of lust…how you'd look when you cum. I've even dreamt about it."

I could no longer contain my pleasure; I buried my face in the blonde's chest as an attempt to stifle my screams. My body writhing in wild abandon, I accidently tipped the chair backwards; spilling the three of us onto the floor.

I recognized Edward's throaty chuckle as we, landed in a heap on the floor. Without hesitation I found myself reaching for Edward's pants; needing to unbutton, unzip and free him to my view…to my touch.

Edward moved just out of my reach, his smoldering eyes scorching me. "We shouldn't be rude to our guest, Bella." I wasn't sure of his intent, but I didn't think it was fair for him to be left out of the pleasure. Besides, I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. "But what about you? I want to do something for you." I whispered back. He smiled. "That's okay. This isn't about me."

Immediately I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Oh, I see." I must have been frowning because Edward reached for me, his thumb raising my chin and bringing my eyes to his. "You and I have all the time in the world. Let's focus." And he smiled the kind of smile I couldn't resist.

I nodded and smiled back; relieved to know there may be a next time.

I followed Edward, on my knees to where our guest was sitting beside the fallen chair. I watched as he moved to his knees between the legs of the other man. He motioned me to join him. I complied, engrossed in the sight of Edward running his tongue the full length of the other man's very hard member. I found it very erotic. Edward hesitated long enough to look at me and lick his lips, as if savoring a delicacy. I felt my face warm as I leaned forward, kissing our guest, thanking him for the pleasure he brought me. My eyes met Edward's as he continued to stroke the "officer" with his mouth, his gaze never leaving mine. Each time I started to move toward my old friend, he shook his head and furrowed his brow. So I ran my fingers through the stranger's hair and watched with curious fascination. What I thought I might find awkward or offensive was actually quite beautiful. Or, perhaps, it was the fact that Edward was comfortable enough with me to share that part of himself that I found so appealing.

I crawled behind Edward as he continued to pleasure our new friend. He started at my touch as I reached around him, unable to resist myself. He grabbed my wrist, never slowing on the "job" he was giving. Leaning my body across his back, I moved to his ear and whispered "Please let me do this. It's as much for me as it is for you." He hesitated, but then I felt his body relax.

As he continued to evoke sounds of ecstasy from our new friend, I unbuttoned Edward's pants; his body instantly stiffened beneath mine. I dragged his zipper down carefully, as he exhaled a slow shaky breath. Gently reaching inside his pants, I ran my hand along the bulge still trapped within his briefs. I pulled the elastic waistband out and caressed his warm member. God, he felt so good; hard and thick. As I ran my hand down his shaft and up again, applying pressure with my palm; his whole body responded. I moved my thumb over his tip, enjoying the feel of the pre-cum sliding beneath my fingers. Tightening my grip, I stroked faster. Edward must have increased his pace on our friend, as I could see him nearing the edge. Cradling Edward with my body as I worked his erection, the three of us moved in unison. I felt the warmth of Edward's release just as Jasper reached forward and grasped my shoulder and rode out his own waves of pleasure.

The three of us, completely spent, lay together on the floor when the door suddenly shot open.

"There you are!" Alice declared. "I've been looking for..." her words stopped abruptly as she wrinkled up her nose. "Jesus! It smells like sex in here. What the hell is going on?"

I smirked. "Oh, we decided on a private showing of your "gift" to Victoria."

She shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Edward spoke up. "Oh, don't play coy, Alice! We intercepted your little gift. And if we hadn't enjoyed it so immensely, we might just be pissed off at you!"

Alice held her hands on her hips. "My gift arrived 30 minutes ago. I had a custom quilt made for Victoria from pieces of her and James' childhood clothing. I'd gotten them from their parents weeks ago."

I looked at Edward. He looked at me. Then we both looked at the man in uniform on the floor beside us.

Officer Whitlock tucked his uniform shirt back into his pants, and fastened his belt. One side of his mouth turned up into a sexy little grin, emphasizing the depth of his dimple there. He raised one eyebrow as he spoke. "I won't tell if you won't?"

The three of us laughed as Alice looked on in confusion. Jasper left and Edward and I straightened ourselves up and returned to the shower just as it was winding down. Edward and I hurriedly cleaned up and crammed everything into his trunk. Edward spun his tires as we couldn't get out of there fast enough. We were on our way to meet up with Jasper at his place to watch "Gilligan's Bi-land".

**My first attempt at polyamorous love---it's hard to keep track of all the arms and legs! If you like this—I may continue when I've finished up my current fics.**

**Reviews make my day!!**


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